ENglish only! SCREENPLAY

WRITER - DAVID TREVOR
English only! Episode Two - WHAT IS AMERICA?
Screenplay. Written By Trevor David Houchen
Bed Bugs Productions
Opening Sequence

Beverly Hills (Exterior)

BHLI (Interior)

Classroom~

The students stream into the class while DAVID, the teacher, writes on the white board:


TODAY WE WILL DISCUSS AMERICA
WHAT IS AMERICA?

The last student comes into class, and as DAVID begins to shut the door, FAISAL rushes into the class carrying his BACKPACK, and holding a PLASTIC CONTAINER, which he opens, revealing BROWNIES. As he walks past DAVID headed for his seat, he offers DAVID a brownie.


Faisal

Breakfast teacher?


David

Mm. Sure. Thanks Faisal.

DAVID takes one, and bites into it.

David

Mm. Good.


He addresses the class while FAISAL offers other students brownies, some of them take, some don't, FAISAL sits down.



David

Okay guys…

Sue Young arranges the pictures of herself on her desk-

Irina texts on her smart phone-

Daniella is dancing at her desk, twirling her hair-

Juhee is standing and talking to the EMPTY DESK where her 'imaginary friend' sits, she slowly goes to her own seat-

KC spits-

Jeab looks around and rolls her eyes-

ASKHAT is sitting in the front row, as usual, and next to him, is sitting A NEW STUDENT-he has the same kind of appearance as ASKHAT, white, European, but unlike ASKHAT, who has a huge stupid smile on his face, this NEW STUDENT looks unsure, nervous, afraid-



David

(Noticing the NEW STUDENT)

Who are you?



Student

(Nervous, Defensive)

Asshole.

(The other students snicker and giggle…the NEW STUDENT looks at them with a concerned look)



David

(Looking at the OTHER STUDENTS, then at ASKHAT, who is smiling wide, then back at the NEW STUDENT)

Asshole. Your name is Asshole. Ass. Hole. That's your name?



Student

(A little unsure, a little nervous)

Yes. Asshole.



David

(Scratches his chin)

Why man.



Student.

(Hurt. Defensive. Afraid.)

Why what. What do you mean why? This is my name.



Askhat

(Proud)

He is my cousin! Asshole! And I am Asshat. Do you remember?



David

(To Askhat)

Of course I remember. Asshat.

(To NEW STUDENT)

How do you spell your name?

(He turns to write on the white board)



New Student

A-I-S-O-L. Asshole.



David

(Writing)

Hm. Okay. Aisol. Can I call you-Ass? Or, Hole? Or…



Aisol

No. My name is Asshole.



Askhat

But he has nickname!



David

You have a nickname?



Aisol

(Nervous)

Yes.



David

What is it.



Aisol

My nickname is Anus.



David

(Cold)

What man.



Aisol

Anus. My second name is Anushkov. So, my friends in Kazakhstan call me Anus.



David

I'm not calling you anus asshole. Okay? I'm calling you…asshole.



Aisol

Ok.



(David lowers his head and rubs his forehead with his hand)



David

Okay listen guys, today we're going to talk about America. I asked you to write something about what you think about America..



(He notices another new student, a MUSLIM WOMAN seated next to the wall, wearing traditional MUSLIM CLOTHING)



David

What's your name.



Muslim Woman

Budi.



David

(Skeptical)

Booty?



Muslim Woman

Budi. My full name 'Budiwati'.

Please call me Budi.



David

Okay Budi. Where are you from?



Budi

I'm from Indonesia.



Daniela

(Claps her hands, excited, smiling)

Oooooooohhhhh Yes! I know!

(She nods her head as if to say "Yes" several times)



David

(To Daniela)

Have you been to Indonesia Daniela?



Daniela

No.



David

So, why are you so excited about Indonesia?



Daniela

(Still excited)

I don't know!



Irina

Oh my god.



Faisal

It's not 'your god'…



(Irina turns to FAISAL angry-and then-DANIELA says something in SPANISH to IRINA, but DANIELA is smiling, IRINA IS ANGRY and starts to speak in Russian, IRINA and DANIELA have a short exchange of bad words, BUDIWATI is looking at both IRINA and DANIELA and then-)



David

(Holding up a small sign that says "ENGISH ONLY")

Guys..





Budi

(Looking at IRINA and DANIELA)

This is going to be fun.





(Irina turns back towards DAVID, Daniela is smiling)



David

(To Budiwati)

So, you're from Indonesia.



Budi

Yes. I am.



David

Lots of muslims in Indonesia?



Budi

Yes. You don't know? Indonesia has most muslim in the world.



David

Hm.



(Just then, KC spits, and raises his hand)



David

Yes KC? What is it?



KC

You my nigga.



David

(Confused)

What?


KC

My nigga. You. You my nigga. You be my nigga?


David

O-kay. Yeah man. I'm your nigga. Okay?


KC

Okay.


David

Ok.


KC

O-KAY.


David

(Shakes his head)

Whatever man.



KC

(Spits)

My nigga my nigga…



(Juhee raises her hand)


David

Yes Juhee?


Juhee

(Gesturing to her invisible friend behind her)

She want to know what is 'nigga'—



(All eyes on DAVID)



David

A…nigga….is…….a bad word to say to a black person.


Juhee

Why.


David

We don't like it.



Juhee.

Okay.



(Suddenly, we hear the sounds of an electronic MUSLIM VOICE)


Budiwati

(Looking at her smartphone)

Oh! I have to pray!

(She takes out a small prayer blanket from her bag, spreads it on the ground

Bends to her knees and starts praying, then)


Irina

(To Budi)

What are you doing?


Budiwati

I'm praying.



Irina

(To David)

What is she doing?



David

She's praying.



(Budiwati continues to pray a few more seconds, then-she opens her eyes-)


Budiwati

(Confused)

Hmmm…which way is east? This way right?


KC

(Gesturing)
No. East is that way.


Budiwati

Right! Thanks!


KC

No problem.


(She changes her direction and begins praying again-FAISAL notices this and rolls his eyes in disapproval)


Jeab has a huge cup of COKE on her desk, and is sucking a lollipop. She raises her hand-



David

Yes Jeab?



Jeab

Why American so upset about this word? I don't care this word. This word mean nothing. Not important. Everybody nigga. You, you, you.

(She points at classmates)

I hear Mexican people say this word in my neighborhood every day. White people, everybody in America nigga. Not important. You know what important thing? American dentist situation. Crazee…


David

American dentist…


Jeab

Yeah! Last week my tooth was hurt, so I go to dentist. He say I have cavity, so he want me to pay 200 dollar to fix. I say 200 dollar? He say yes, 200 dollar. I say one teeth? He say yeah, one teeth. This crazy! Every American food too sweet, too much sugar, so I think all American have plenty cavity. Who can pay 200 dollar fix one teeth? Crazee. American dentist criminal. I hate them….

(She sips her coke and sucks her lollipop)



David

So…how's your tooth now?


Jeab

HHHurting.

(She sips the last bit of her COKE and sucks her lollipop)


David

Ok.



(SUE YOUNG raises her hand)



David

Yes Sue Young?



Sue Young

(Looking in her mirror)

You think I have small face?


David

What?


Sue Young

My face. Small. Right?


David

(Looking at Sue Young)

Yeah, I guess so. Why.


Sue Young

In Korea, small face is beautiful face. Round face ugly. No one like round face. So I want small face. Like you. Your face ve~ry small.



David

(Self conscious)

Really?


Sue Young

Yes. You have face bone massage for make your face small?



David

What?



Sue Young

Face bone massage. In Korea, many women have face bone massage to fix round face and make small face.



David

Face bone massage?



Sue Young
Yes. I show you..


-David hallucinates himself seated at one of the desks in the classroom with his head back, while SUE YOUNG MANIACALLY massages his face under a towel, and he screams in pain-


David

(Back to reality)

No. Thanks.


Sue Young

Okay. Your face small already..


David

Thanks.



(David notices all the students are measuring their faces with their hands, except AISOL and ASKHAT, who are having an intense whispered conversation with each other, then~Askhat raises his hand)



David

Yes Askat?



Askhat

Yes. Can you swim?


David

(Hesitates)

Uh…..yeah….I can…I, I…I can….swim…a little, why?


Askhat

Because we heard black people cannot swim.



David

We can swim. We swim. I can swi-…..why, can you swim?


Askhat

I swam 6 kilometers this morning.



Aisol

Me too.



David

Good. Good for you.

Asshole.



( Askhat raises his hand again )



David

What is it.



Askhat

Can I touch your hair?



David

Why.



Askhat

I want to touch. I never touch a black person's hair before, just, I want to touch..



(David looks around at the class, then he walks towards ASKHAT's desk and bends over slightly so ASKHAT can touch his hair)



Askhat

(Patting David's head like a pillow)

Ohh….soft….like….sheep.


(David stands up straight, and looks at ASKHAT)


Askhat

(Making sheep sound…)

Baaaaaaaa…


(Daniela raises her hand)


Daniela

Teacherrrrrrrr…


David

Yes Daniela.


Daniela

(Gesturing to her face with her hands TOO MUCH)

My face is small for you?


David hallucinates again, and now, DANIELA's FACE is TINY like the head of the BEETLEJUICE character-


David

(Back to reality)

Yeah. Your face is small Daniela.


Daniela

(Happy)

Great!


Suddenly, SHERYL bursts into the classroom-at which moment KC's eyes WIDEN and his mouth drops open-


Sheryl

(Winks at KC-then-)

Okay troops. How's everyone doing so far. You guys enjoying the city of Angels? Huh? HUH? GREAT. Now like I told you last week we're going to be doing some activities. This week's activity is a hike up to the HOLLYWOOD SIGN, now..



(KC raises his hand)



KC

You go with us together?



Sheryl

What? Of course I'm going I'm the goddamn Activities coordinator!


KC

Then I go too.



Sheryl

Good. That's one. Anybody else?



(No one responds, then, after a moment, JUHEE raises her hand)



Sheryl

Yeah? You up for a hike Shin Ling?


Juhee

I have question..

Sheryl

Okay, what's your name doll..


Juhee

I'm Juhee


Sheryl

Okay Chewy, shoot, what's your question..



Juhee

Can I bring my friend?



Sheryl

Who's your friend?



Juhee

(Gestures to her imaginary friend behind her)

She wanna go, but she don't like too much walk, she tired too easy…


Sheryl

(Looks at DAVID confused, David looks back at SHERYL confused..)

What the hell are you talking about Chewy, that's an empty goddamn desk.


Juhee

Nooo! She my friend! Don't say that!

(She turns around and speaks to her 'friend')

She say you can go, it's okay, you go, okay?



Sheryl

Ooohhhkaaay, I see we got a couple screws loose huh Chewy..

Well, whatever. The hike happens this Friday after school. Meet here at 4pm and bring your hiking boots and lots of water, don't want anyone passing out on the way up the mountain. Gotta stay hydrated. You guys got that?

(Silence)

Okay good. See you guys 4pm right here, boots on the ground.

(She looks at KC and winks again, then walks out-)


KC sings a few words of a KOREAN LOVE SONG outloud to no one in particular-then sits down and spits, as if nothing happened~David looks at KC


KC

What?



David

Nothing man.



(Then, a bearded MUSCULAR MAN in his mid twenties wearing a tank top- who looks like he could be from EUROPE or the MIDDLE EAST raises his hand)


David

Yeah?


Man

Why you eat blueberry?

(He gestures to the plastic container of blueberries on David's desk)

Your pen-is broken?



David

What?


Man

Your pen-is. My uncle. His pen-is broken so doctor tell him to eat blueberry. So I wondering if your pen-is broken…


David

(Hesitates)

No man. My pen-is isn't broken. My pen-is is fine. I'm eating the blueberries for better circulation and, and, and to, keep my skin…clear.



Daniela

Your skin is very clear teacherrrr.


David

Thank you Daniela.


Daniela

You're welcome teacherrrrr.


David

(To Muscular man)

Where are you from?


Man

Georgia. My name Niko.


David

Okay Niko. Nice to meet you.


Niko

Nice to meet you too…..eh….you know Nude Survivor?



David

What?


Niko

Nude survivor. Show, everybody naked, on island, competition for who is winner, you know this program?


David

Yeah, sure, I know, what about it.


Niko

I was winner in my country on this program.


(Everyone looks at NIKO)


David

Really?



Niko

Yeah.



Irina

So, you were naked, on a tv show?


Niko

Yeah.


David

For how long.


Niko

One month.


Faisal

You were naked, on tv, for one month?


Niko

Everyday.

…to be continues
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